hilarious hack to get std.noratrieb.dev deployments monitored

nix/modules/prometheus/default.nix

@@ -45,9 +45,23 @@
           job_name = "pretense";
           static_configs = [{ targets = map (name: "${name}.local:9150") (builtins.attrNames networkingConfig); }];
         }
+        {
+          job_name = "std-internal-docs-status";
+          scrape_interval = "1h";
+          static_configs = [{ targets = [ "localhost:7846" ]; }];
+        }
       ];
   };
 
+  systemd.services.prometheus-exporter-std-internal-docs-status = {
+    description = "Cursed hack to get the GitHub deployment status of std.noratrieb.dev";
+    serviceConfig = {
+      DynamicUser = true;
+      ExecStart = "${lib.getExe pkgs.nodejs_24} ${./prometheus-exporter-std-internal-docs.mjs}";
+    };
+    wantedBy = [ "multi-user.target" ];
+  };
+
   age.secrets.grafana_admin_password.file = ../../secrets/grafana_admin_password.age;
   systemd.services.grafana.serviceConfig.EnvironmentFile = config.age.secrets.grafana_admin_password.path;
   services.grafana = {

nix/modules/prometheus/prometheus-exporter-std-internal-docs.mjs

@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+import http from "node:http";
+
+const server = http.createServer();
+server
+  .on("request", (req, res) => {
+    fetch(
+      "https://api.github.com/repos/Noratrieb/std-internal-docs/deployments"
+    )
+      .then(async (res) => {
+        console.log(`Received response from GitHub: ${res.status}`);
+        if (res.ok) {
+          return res.json();
+        } else {
+          console.error(
+            `Received error from GitHub: ${res.status}: ${await res.text()}`
+          );
+        }
+      })
+      .then((body) => {
+        console.log(`Received body from GitHub`);
+        const time =
+          body?.[0]?.created_at && new Date(body[0].created_at).getTime();
+        res
+          .writeHead(time ? 200 : 500, {
+            "Content-Type":
+              "text/plain; version=0.0.4; charset=utf-8; escaping=underscores",
+          })
+          .end(
+            time
+              ? `std_internal_docs_last_deployment ${time}\n` +
+                  `std_internal_docs_last_deployment_age ${new Date().getTime() - time}\n`
+              : undefined
+          );
+      });
+  })
+  .listen(7846, "127.0.0.1", () => {
+    console.log("Started the std.noratrieb.dev status exporter, lol");
+  });